The Difference Between Telling a Story and Using One

Most people think storytelling is about sharing something interesting, personal, or memorable.

And sometimes, it is.

But there is an important difference between telling a story and using storytelling. Understanding that difference can change how you communicate at work, at home, and in the moments that matter most.

Telling a story is an expression. 

Using a story is intention.

Let me tell you a story to illustrate!

A Normal Night Out

Midway through a monthlong sojourn through Vietnam, I met a man named Hueh. Hueh made his living as a cab driver, shuttling passengers on the back of his moped, through the streets of Ho Chi Minh City.  

Hueh picked me up one afternoon and drove me back to the hotel where I was staying. He asked when I would be leaving again.  I said I would be having a rest and he didn’t have to wait for me.  But 4 hours later when I emerged from the hotel, there he was!  

He asked what I wanted to do that night.  I had been traveling for several weeks and was tiring of the “tourist” experience so I asked him to take me somewhere “normal.”  “Take me where you would go.”

I expected a small local bar or restaurant.

What I got was much more.

The next thing I know I’m sitting in Hueh’s apartment, with his wife and

small child, playing with action figures and drinking grape soda!

Then we’re sitting outside on plastic chairs, playing cards and drinking snake wine with his friends and neighbors.

Then we’re singing Beatles karaoke at the tops of our lungs.  “Something in the way she MOOOOOOOVES me!”

The experience I had there was both exactly what I asked for and nothing like what I expected.  A true highlight of that trip and a reminder to me, wherever I find myself, that sometimes the most interesting adventures are the ones right in front of me.  

Telling a Story Is About Sharing

When we tell a story, we are often focused on the experience itself. We want to be heard, understood, or remembered. The story may be meaningful to us, entertaining, or emotionally honest.

There is nothing wrong with that. Expression matters. Stories help us process life and connect with others on a human level.

But not every story is meant to serve a purpose beyond being told.

And that is where many people get stuck.

Using Storytelling Is About Purpose

Using storytelling means the story serves the moment, not the storyteller.

Effective storytelling begins with a simple question: What does this situation need right now?

Sometimes the goal is clarity. Sometimes it is trust. Sometimes it is persuasion, reassurance, or alignment.

When you use storytelling intentionally, you choose details that support that goal. You shape the story around the listener, not just around your own experience.

This is the difference between talking and communicating.

Context Determines the Right Story

A story that works beautifully in one setting can fall flat in another.

A personal anecdote might be perfect in a one on one conversation, but distracting in a team meeting. A detailed backstory may feel grounding in a family setting, but unnecessary in a professional email.

Context driven storytelling means paying attention to:

• Who you are speaking to

• What they need to understand

• What decision or feeling the moment calls for

  
  

Using storytelling well is less about telling more stories and more about telling the right one.

Choosing the Right Story for the Moment

Intentional storytelling is selective.

You do not share everything. You share what moves the conversation forward.

That might mean shortening a story.  It might mean removing details you love but do not serve the point.  It might mean choosing not to tell a story at all.

Effective storytelling often looks simple on the surface, but it is built on awareness, restraint, and clarity.

The goal is not to impress.  The goal is to help someone see, understand, or act.

Storytelling as a Tool, Not a Performance

One of the biggest misconceptions about storytelling is it requires creativity, charisma, or confidence.

In reality, all it requires is intention.

Using storytelling is not about being dramatic or polished. It is about being useful. It is about knowing when a story adds value and when it distracts.

When storytelling becomes a tool instead of a performance, it becomes more powerful and more human.

Because the best stories are not the ones that draw attention to themselves.

They are the ones that do their job.